Viva La Leeda

Time for some beauty contest, eh!

2006-09-03T23:12:00.000-07:00

Let me introduce you to Mariyah Moten, 22 years old, who is apparently the first Pakistani to represent Pakistan in "Miss bikini pagent 2006". There was one woman from Pakistan who tried her luck last year in Miss World, but the Maulvis brought her down! I cant wait to hear some MQM represntative talk about Ms Moten in his gutteral sounds, cursing the western influence and then complaining that America has succeeded in colonizing Pakistan.

Moten won the “Best in Media” title (trophy plus sash), as being the most photographed (i can see why) and interviewed girl in the entire pageant. Since the pageant, she has been on Zee News, Khaleej Times, China Daily, Hangzhou Newspaper and various other newspapers in China and elsewhere.

What's next for Pakistan?

If you post a comment....

2006-08-11T13:36:00.000-07:00

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must re-post this on your blog.I got this off Mikaal's blog. He replied and as per term no. 8, I'm also supposed to post this, so here goes...;)

2006-08-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

Add colour to the driving seat!

BlogComment of the day...

2006-08-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

Today while talking on Msn, a friend said something to me which almost touched me!

"you were meant to happen and the forces of the universe dont allow me to have any other time except the time for you!"

*Flattered*

Rendezvous

2006-08-09T13:01:00.000-07:00

Today I met up with a friend who i had been trying to meet for the past 7 days now. The irony of the situation is that he lives 5 minutes away from my house and for some odd reason we never got a chance to meet! Today, however I picked him up while i was going to get my sister's cell phone fixed. We grabbed a subway sandwhich on our way back, parked our car at a small khokha and enjoyed the meal in silence. The only few words that were uttered during the hoovering of the sandwhiches were:

Sohaib: "there is not enough sex in the sandwhich today!"

Me: "maybe you need to take it the other way to enjoy the way you wanty it too!"

Sohaib: "No i think its beacuse I got a double meat and somewhat the sauces aren't balancing it!"

Me: "Or may be because you ordered a 6 inches?"

Silence....

Sohaib: "Adeel the other day i had chicken Karahi at this place in Laxmi chowk. (a very popular eating place in lahore) It was so orgasmic!"

Adeel: "Dude explain to me, how was it orgasmic? why are all your food experiences related to sex?"

Sohaib: "You have to think the way I do!"

Silence.....

It's something unpredictable but in the end is right...

2006-08-05T00:41:00.000-07:00

When I was boarding PK 302 which was flying to Lahore, it dawned on me that i was finally going back home. The days of independence had at last come to an end! It's crazy how one takes so long to get used to something and then all of a sudden life topples the card over and reveals a brand new side full of surprises. It throws you at a new beginging, in a brand new setting, with people who you have never met in your life.

I remeber reading somehwere that "Every single thing is in constant change!" And i think it is right! Usually we fail to recognize the dynamic nature of life and we learn to make ourselves comfortable in whatever way we can. Only if we could step outside our comfort zones and embrace life WITH its varying facets, we would be happier individuals than we are right now.

For instance, this year i had decided to take my summer courses and then go to london for vaccationing. Doing an internship was not even remotely a part of my plan! However, as things proceeded, it just seemed as if everything was bound to happen the "other" way. I got a call from Unilever on 13th June, while i was sitting in my economics class; I accepted the offer in the next 30 mins, at the expense of my summer quarter fee; i flew to Karachi on the 14th; I joined office on the 15th.

However, today when i look back, i realize that I indeed made a good decision by accepting the internship offer. Right or wrong, I really cannot judge! However, the 6 weeks that I spent in Karachi are some of the most memorable times of my life. (click http://www.pkblogs.com/leedaphotos for the visuals!)

While i was writing all this the only song that popped up in my head was "time of your life" by Green Day. I think it very neatly mimics my thoughts right now:

Another turning point - a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist - directs you where to go

So make the best of this test and don't ask why

It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable but in the end is right

I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind

Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time

Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial

For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable but in the end is right

I hope you had the time of your life

It's something unpredictable but in the end is right

I hope you had the time of your life

L.A.H.O.R.E

2006-07-31T10:10:00.000-07:00

I am back in Lahore. It feels so good to be back home with mommy cooking a variety of disehs and everyone treating me as some very important guest. I am just going to sit back and enjoy this royal treatment for a few days now. :)

It is really hot here as compared to the breezy Karachi. 6 weeks zoomed by like a bolt of lightening. Although a detailed blog will soon follow, some of the highlights of the trip were: Unilever office, MC house, randm trips to SZABIST, Mars cheese cake at espresso, window shopping with Sharmeen, Salsa on roof top, Saba imtiaz and her mood swings, bugging Kurt, Taha and his wacky stories, random jamming sessions with Mikaal, eye candy at park towers, Cooking with Joanna, sheesha at Indulge and Damscus, Apple store, Puneet, Pakola, double tikka masala, dodi and his "never shoing up" routine, breakfast at espresso, JNC 2006, sunday bazar, farewell lunch at Dynasty with my boss, Sharmeen's birthday, my half naked roomie, watching Bollywood/Hollywood songs with my cousin, bitching sessions in the balcony, perverted talks with sana... I could just go and on and on.

Now i am extremely nostalgic. very soon i will update some visuals from the trip. so stay tuned for that!

In the meantime lets put our voices together and say:

VIVA LA KARACHI!!!

Maggie VS Knorr

2006-07-24T23:36:00.000-07:00

I just overhead an interesting conversation in my department:

Woman1: Are you having Maggie?

Woman2: No, they are Knorr! I hate Maggie.

Woman1: you lie! I remember you always used to say “Oh I’m having Maggie noodles!”

Woman2: I NEVER said that. This other woman used to say it. In fact I used to say Norr (Knorr). But when I came here I found people at Unilevr call it K-norr!

Woman1: Oh cmon! I remember you always preferred Maggie! I promise!

Woman2: (shouting by now) I swear upon you, upon my life, i never liked Maggie noodles!

Woman1: sweetie, it’s okay I remember!

Woman2: (Pulling her hair) I SWEAR UPON THE QURAN! I ALWAYS HAD KNORR AND I PRONUNCED IT PROPERLY TOO!

Man: Stop it both of you, it’s just noodles!

Woman3: OMG! You swore upon the quran for noodles!

Woman2: You are acting like my sister now and I feel like killing you!

Man to Woman1: Nothing in this conversation makes sense. Please go back to your room!

Me: Laughing my head off!

p.s. The identities of the people have been intentially kept confidential for ethical reasons. :)

I have never laughed more in this office before!!!

Ideology and Religion Shit List

2006-07-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

I came across this list of different perspectives on "shit happening" in different religions and ideologies. I think it's a very popular shit-list but for those who haven't been enlightened by the true meaning of the S word in their religion, this is a very good chance for them to learn.

My favourites are highlighted!!!

Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.

Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.

Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.

Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.

Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine
with it.

Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.

Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.

Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.

Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.

Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again.
(Amen!)

Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.

Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.

Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.

Creationism: God made all shit.

Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.

Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!

Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.

Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.

Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.

Utopianism: This shit does not stink.

Darwinism: This shit was once food.

Capitalism: That's MY shit.

Communism: It's everybody's shit.

Feminism: Men are shit.

Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...

Commercialism: Let's package this shit.

Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.

Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.

Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?

Stoicism: This shit is good for me.

Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!

Mormonism: God sent us this shit.

Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.

Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.

Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.

Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock<>

Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit? Jehovah's

Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.

Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.

Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!

Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.

Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.

Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.

Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.

Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?

Agnostic #3: What is this shit?

Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.

Atheism: What shit?

Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!

Nihilism: No shit.

And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!

PARTY OVER

2006-07-11T22:09:00.001-07:00

Hey Adeel

This is your boss, looks like you really have a lot of free time and are getting too spoilt in this luxurious air-conditioned environment.

Please come over, have arranged wholesale market visits for you, at least 40 shops a day with a daily debrief session by 6pm.

-Maleha Jaffer

(mail sent to me this morning)

Yes my blog has been doing rounds in the office!

What do you do when you are travelling through PIA and…

2006-07-11T21:56:00.000-07:00

an earlier flight of PIA crashes and kills everyone on board
your flight gets delayed
there is no seat in front of you and you are provided by a wooden slab to rest your food on
the person sitting next to you is flying for the first time
he asks you if you are going to Karachi (“Damn it! Where else do you think would a Lahore-Karachi flight take me?”)
he wants to look out of the window and does not mind leaning over you
he asks you if what he sees outside is water and a sandy beach. (you are flying at 10,000 m above sea level)
he is constantly reading about the plain crash news and telling you about how the engine stopped working
he groans every time the plane experiences turbulence
he tries eating with a fork and a knife only to copy you and spills his egg on you
he stinks
he is a maulvi

"Laydeez And Guntulmun, PK315 has landud at the Jinnah Airport. We hop you had a Plaisant experience on board!"

God save me from PIA. :(

How to make use of free time...

2006-07-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

I am free again. No one in my department has shown up yet and it’s 9:30 am already. I am reminded of those first few days at office when I used to wonder what Unilever has hired me for; so they gave me a separate cubicle, a laptop with unlimited internet access, a phone line that I could use and abuse to death, a drawer filled with cool stationary, a printer solely dedicated to me…and NO work! Those were the days when I felt like packing all my stuff and shifting to the office. (Well I still feel the same!) Who wants to stay at home when you have almost all the luxuries at your disposal and those too topped with cherries and whipped cream; and especially when the power front in Karachi is a pain below the belt. Not to mention that Unilever operates on generated electricity and hence the concept of power shutdown is not quite ubiquitous in the company. This reminds me of the chronicles of last night: there was no electricity. *sigh* The person I am sharing a room with, at 3 am in the morning, is telling me how grateful I should be to Karachi since it is helping me to sweat away those extra pounds I have on my hips!!! I was like #*&$ you!

So I am not just free I am sleepy right now too. I think I should take this opportunity and doze off for a while. It’s 9:40 am and still there is no sign of civilization around me. I think I should make some space in my cubicle and just lie down for a bit. Oh, wait! Damn! I see someone. It’s wearing yellow. It has longish hair. It’s a woman. No wait, it’s my boss!

“Hey Maliha, how are you?” I blab smiling forcefully and cursing my fate! She enters her office and disappears. I take a deep breath, holding my head in one hand and playing with the paper weight with the other. “So I left my summer school in the middle, faced a 50% fee penalty, flew to Karachi to stay away from home for 6 weeks JUST to play with a paper weight?” My HR manager says everything you do in this office is a leaning experience you will cherish for the rest of your life. Maybe the way I am rolling the weight has some depth to it too. May be I can learn something from rolling a paper weight on one of its tip. Maybe one day when I will be working for some ultra-hot company my colleagues will envy me for rolling the paper weight so dextrously! May be I would teach them how to do it. I could have special evening classes called, “Learn how to roll a paper weight in 10 days.” Damn, I would be the cool guy who would know how to roll paper weights and women would dig me for being multitalented. J

Talking about women, yesterday I was thinking about my very non-existent love life. I’ve decided I want to get married in seven different cultures. Of course three things will be common in all these ceremonies: Me, Myself and my wife. But there is one problem. I need a woman to execute this mission. I think I am going to leave this here and go on a woman hunt! Grass at Unilever is quite green, which is what my friends on the other side of the fence say! Hence, I shall go in search of some juicy green grass!

MOoOOoooOOOooooo,…

Top 10 Things to do if your masseuse gets too friendly

2006-06-29T20:54:00.000-07:00

10. Don't Panic
9. Be polite
8. Tip well
7. Plan your escape
6. Try not to think where his hands have been
5. Think of ways to turn trauma into comedy
4. Wonder why this always seems to happen to you
3. Remeber those karate lessons
2. Think of England
1. RUN!!!

2006-06-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

The new Macbook has arrived at the apple store. It’s been exactly 13 days I have been in Karachi and I have already visited the store thrice. Of course this excludes the daily ritualistic passing by visits to the store. A typical such visit involves me stopping outside the Apple outlet. Getting out of the car. Walking up to the window. Pressing against it. Sticking my tongue out. Ogling at the Mackbook and cursing, “O Lord of Apple. Why is this life so unfair to us? Why?”

Last time when I went inside the store, I was accompanied by another Apple fan, who religiously believed that we are deprived of the Macbooks. She came up with this whole philosophy of how we deserve to own Apple and what a great sin it is on our parents’ part not to buy us that machine. I am tempted to believe her “Appl-osophy.”

Soon I will own this blob of hotness!

And then there was darkness....

2006-06-27T00:44:00.000-07:00

Last night was an experience I will remember for quite some time. I always wondered what it felt like to get stuck in an elevator. Of course I looked at it from a very optimistic point of view: walking into the elevator with some hot specimen of the fairer sex; the elevator ascending the usual way; a power shutdown; I chat her up; we curse the authorities for not spending wisely on more important issues such as electricity; she wants to get out; I feel the contrary. Bleh!

However nothing of the sort happened the previous night. I did get stuck in the elevator but not with a “hot” specimen of the fairer sex; instead I was stranded with a bunch of quite diverse people. So there was a half Indian – half Canadian guy in shorts who randomly prayed to the god of Pakola. (There is more to come on the cult of pakola.) A Swedish woman who was trying to act all calm, calculating which button to press! Dammit, Press something, I don’t want to die in an elevator! Then there was Saba, who added to our misery by yelling and screaming, going all hysterical. Standing in one of the corners, with the goofiest smile was Emad, shaking his head every now and then, “this is so funny, we might have to spend a night here!” I felt like kicking him in the nuts. There was Toolster, who had the funniest expression on her face that it was not even funny. You know the expression when you really need to go to the loo and for some reason you can’t and the place where you are standing is so chilled that it adds to your pain. There were Mikaal and Omer as well but they had no clue how to react so they kept nodding at whatever whoever said. And ofcourse I was trying to ammuse everyone by my random pickup lines! "Did you just grab my ass? No! DAMN!!"

The real catastrophe struck when there was a power shutdown. My anal muscles contracted. No ventilation. Everything went black. All I could see were glowing digits of everyone’s watches. A cacophony of shrieks and banging permeated the little cubicle. I was glad the electricity came back after 2 minutes, or else one of us would definitely had dropped! But those few moments were seriously the worst.

As soon as there was light in the elevator the Swedish woman started prerssing all buttons. I could see clearly that she wasn’t all that calm anymore. Emad surely did NOT want to spend a night in that elevator and most probably die of suffocation. Puneet, the Indian-canadian hybrid reclined to the floor, holding his head and mumbling something. Maybe he was saying the Pakola-Mantra. I on the other hand stood at the back, silently praying for our freedom.

The lift started ascending. It seemed as my prayers were answered. Though Puneet argued it was the god of Pakola, we could not care less about which god shook his booty, we were all just glad that the beast was moving. Everyone was silent, staring at the doors, longing to see them move apart............ Staring............ Still staring.

And the doors slid! To the great awe of the guards standing out, a bunch of 8 loud and freaked out people stomped out of the elevator one after the other. I gauged the height of their surprsie 'cause when we were leaving, one of the guards was still scratching his head and giving us a confused look!

This was one hell of an experience. I wonder if i will ever have the same optimism about an elevator escapade: walking into the elevator with some hot specimen of the fairer sex; the elevator ascending the usual way; a power shutdown; I chat her up; we curse the authorities for not spending wisely on more important issues such as electricity; she wants to get out; I feel the contrary...

I really doubt it! :)

2006-06-26T01:11:00.000-07:00

It’s been a year since I have been thinking about inventing my blog, but every attempt at starting one went in vain. One reason was that after a few paragraphs I would simply get bored and would leave it in the middle. So pretty much I have like 10 incomplete blogs lurking around in my hard drive, being moved from one partition to another every one month or so. May be I can compile all of them someday and have a blog of incomplete blogs!

Anyway, come Katrina or Rita, no power shall stop me from blogging; and hence I present to you, “Viva La Leeda!”

*everyone flash at me*